I know this picture is all kinds of wrong, but it so fits how I feel when I get Twitter slimed.

You know the drill.  You get the email saying “First and Last Name is following you.” You get excited when you click on their profile because they look like a normal person, not the porno king or queen of the week. Until you get to their website, and it’s one big advertisement, telling you how different they are from other marketers, how you can trust them because they make 40k a month with their blog, and they can show you how to do the same. And you look at their “unique” blog and see that almost every post is some form of advertisement.  No witty words of wisdom, or poop stories about their babies, or what they had for dinner last night. Just buy my product, and here is why you should give me your 47 dollars. My usual reaction:  are you fucking kidding me?  I clicked on this link for this mess?  Makes me so not a happy camper.  And what’s up with the 47 dollar e-book less than 50 pages long?  I paid 18 bucks for The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett and it had over 900 some odd pages. (Fantastic read, btw).  I must look like Boo Boo the Fool to these guys.

Mostly, I enjoy Twitter.  It’s sort of like conversational double dutch.  Jump in, work it out for a few, and jump out.  However many times a day you want to.  I get to read funny, informative, and interesting stuff that way.

To my potential followers (and I know there are hundreds of thousands of you out there :::snort:::), I have a bit of advice:

1. Don’t pitch me before you get to know me.  It’s kinda like asking to father my children before you know anything about me other than the fact that I have a vagina.
2. Be social, or insightful, or angry, or go home.  Anything else just makes you seem like a scalper with tickets for seats in the nosebleed section, i.e., you don’t have anything I want.
3. Actually WRITE about something interesting on your blog.  Duh!

And as for the pic, its title is “Dirty Spicket”.  I thought it was very apropos, thanks to my latest Twitter buddy.