I was 18 and fresh out of high school when I had my first involuntary orgasm.  It was July, and David, the man who would become my husband, father of my daughter, and eventually my ex, was away at football camp for his small military college.  I was three weeks out from heading to college myself, and the girls and I were trying to get in as much partying as we legally could.

It was Friday, and I was closing with Mercedes, the 40 something Filipina in the accessory section of Bates Department Store.  Mercedes always told me funny stories about her family, and she would bring me egg rolls and pancit to take home.  She never treated me like a kid, and she was very encouraging about me heading off to college.  Closing on Fridays was no big deal because back then, folks actually hung out in interesting places on summer evenings. The only folks in the mall were high school kids waiting for their movie start time. If you were old enough to drink, you went to happy hour after work.  Either way, they weren’t in the handbag section that was for sure, so Fridays were generally pretty quiet.

The security guard had escorted the last stragglers to the door, and I was doing the final count on the register when it started.  OK, here is where things may get a little embarrassing.  Anyway, as I’m counting the till and bagging the cash, I began to feel warm and tingly.  My mind was on getting the count right and getting out of there as fast as possible because my best friend Sandy was going to be outside the employee entrance in her dad’s LTD.  We called it the Land Ship, and it could comfortably fit seven teenagers (three in the front, four in the back- no lie).  There would only be three of us tonight -Sandy, Josette, and me. So, I’m starting to feel all throbby and I look around to see what Mercedes was doing.  Thank goodness she was straightening purse racks in the far corner. At this point, I’m thinking that it can’t possibly be what I think it is, and as the throbbing begins to turn into much more, I double over, dropping the cash bag onto the floor.  I had already compartmentalized the bills, checks, and change, put everything into the green bag, ready for drop off at accounting.  Mercedes hears the bag drop and the till drawer clatter to the floor when she rushes over to see what’s wrong.  As she reaches me, I’m reaching my climax, so I remain doubled over with my teeth clenched.  God only knows how I managed not to make a sound.

I reached out to grab the bag and the drawer and then stood up.  Mercedes came over to me and put her arm around my shoulder.

“Are you ok?  What’s wrong?  What happened?”  Her accent became thick as the words rushed out of her.

I was embarrassed and shocked, and there was no way in hell that I was going to tell her what really happened.

“Oh, um.  I got a bad cramp.  Hit me out of the blue.  It’s gone now, but it was really hurting for a minute.”

“I see.  Well make sure you take some Midol when you get home.  I know how bad cramps can get.  Had my own, and I’ve got two girls that have to deal with ‘em every month.”

I smiled and gathered up all of the evidence of the evening’s sales and headed for the window.  I told Mercedes goodbye.  I wouldn’t see her again until the Tuesday.  I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.  I really couldn’t believe what had just happened.  But, by the time I closed my locker and headed out the door, I had already placed the incident in the “weird things that happen category”, and decided not to worry about it.

I went out and partied with my girlfriends, never letting on about what had happened.  Had I been afraid when it happened- not really.  I mean why would you.  Did I think it was out of the ordinary? Absolutely.  But I also thought that it would never happen again. A few weeks later I packed my things and headed for the insulated freedom of my college campus.

It would be another ten years or so before I experienced it again.

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