My life before the involuntary orgasms seemed like every one else’s life. Eighteen years of marriage with sixteen years of parenting thrown in for good measure. I spent many of those years climbing the corporate ladder. I was the working woman cliche’- I loved what I did, and was very good at it. I juggled everything with apparent ease. Except, I wasn’t so good at the wife/mother thing. My family wanted me to work less and relax more. At the time, I equated working with relaxing. I couldn’t see things from their point of view. And it’s not because we needed the money. Work, for me, was the grown up version of a video game. I kept wanting to get to the next career level. And make no mistake, I achieved my own version of success. But my ex had had enough and decided to move forward with a life that did not include me. I can’t say that I didn’t see it coming.

Rachel, to my surprise, also saw it coming. Kids are funny like that. It didn’t mean that the divorce was any easier on her, just that she knew her parents were on a very rocky road. David and I were very cordial in our split. We sold the house and divided up the kid’s time with very little drama. He got her on weekends and holidays during middle school, and then the situation would flip for high school. I would become the weekend/holiday parent. After the final decree, he packed his things and moved to Charlotte, where he started his own tech firm with two part-time employees. The minute he got settled, he found a great private high school for Rachel. He just had to bide his time.

So, while I was helping Rachel deal with breasts, getting her period, being taller than all the boys, changing classes in middle school, and living full-time with only one parent, David was rebuilding his career and life. That’s ex-wife speak for: he started dating again. It appears that newly divorced men don’t have the same reservations about getting back out there that newly divorced women may have. He was having more fun, and I was feeling extra burdened. I mean, really- single parenting is so not the easiest thing to do. Especially with a kid going through puberty. I guess you could say I had a few years of resentment.

Rachel has now been living with her dad for two years. She’s starting her junior year in the fall, and for the most part, things have been fine. I miss her more than I ever thought, but I think absence has sort of drawn us closer. Last fall, I started to feel like Director of Marketing was no longer enough. I worked for a mid-size, but very profitable lighting company. We did a lot of regional business and were beginning to take on national clients. I had played a big part in our expansion efforts, but I started feeling like I was on a hamster wheel, and I wanted to get off. In fact, one of the reasons I had worked so hard was because David and I had always planned to retire early and open our own small businesses (even married, we knew it would be a bad idea to work together). I wanted a neighborhood bookstore and he wanted the small tech company. Looks like we both got what we wished for, we just didn’t follow the original plan.

By December I had done research and had a business plan for my bookstore. I told myself that I was just bored and needed entertainment. It was weird coming home to an empty house, even though it had already been that way for over a year. I needed something to keep my mind occupied. The television was wearing thin. How much reality tv can one person take? Of course, I am an avid reader, but there was nothing that was really capturing my attention. I knew when I started buying most of my books from the grocery store that I was in trouble.

Book buying used to be a favorite pastime of mine, but it had become quite uninteresting. The big chains were great for variety and coffee, but I missed the days of my youth when I could walk into Brown Books and Mrs. Brown (I know, very original) would recommend a book based on my personality and reading habits, not because someone who bought a book I just read also bought Book X. I’m just saying. And that is really how my plans began to fall into place so quickly. I was missing my child, bored at home, and feeling like a hamster at work. With Rachel gone, I often found myself spending time in the room that had the most books in it, my home office, and not because I was doing much work in it.

My boss was very surprised when I gave him my notice. I was considered a “lifer”, except, now I was getting paroled. Actually, I was paroling myself. It was scary as hell. I started having the IOs in January. I had contacted a realtor and began looking for retail space. After many not so great showings, we headed to a spot on Upper King Street. The windows were dirty/dusty and there were broken pieces of wood in the display areas. It was dark and dank and had been empty for three years. All I could see was the possibilities. I thought the tingle and wave were signs telling me that this place was for me.